That Happened to be True.

A few days back I mentioned about some weird dream I had one fine morning. And now today as it became true, at first I was not at all able to decide the way I should react. I have cleared the exam so it’s a matter to be happy and so was everyone around and congratulating me. But as I know that was not the only thing I wanted. I aimed at JRF, but could get LS only. So just that seems to be as good as not having it. But I can not explain it to others, and was unable to react properly. To them my reaction seemed to be weird. Mummy said I am not satisfied with what I got but I actually never wanted it. Anyways later I realized the worth of moment and enjoyed it. Atleast I have not completely disappointed the people who expected from me
Something I feel like reproducing here is what I felt 5 days before the exam. I was not on blog roll then so thing remained on my laptop, for a while.
(contd.)
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Fear of failure
December 15, 2008
It’s so intense that it is stopping me from making any effort. There’s a strong feeling that it is not possible to do it now; I am too late. Yesterday it was fine but all of a sudden today it altogether seems impossible. I don’t know why my all sorts of energy levels are always at extreme ends. Few days back being very positive of achieving the target, I was happy enough; now I am not at all feeling like making an appearance in the exam. Life once again seems gloomy. It has always been the same with me.
But I am totally clueless what to do right now, and how to proceed with such feelings. I can’t let this chance go like that, since this is absolutely a first and last chance for me. In a way I am in a do or die situation. But now with just 5 more days to go, and loads ahead, seems unattainable with my sort of working style.
And this ‘lost a battle without struggling’ sort of feeling is making me feebler at work.
Lets see what God has in His stores for me.
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(contd.)
Though at the moment it may not seem the best, but GOD always keeps something good for everyone. And later, people like me realize how that turned out to be the best thing to happen. So let me see now how it turns out to be the best.