Have you faced this: that you read something and it is so overwhelming and it touched you so deep that you are not left with any option other than to pour out your feelings somewhere.. Exactly that is what happened to me today
Lately I have not had many close friends (whom I also get to meet enough). There are ones I label close, but for some reason we don't get to talk enough, or even if we talk, some how I have a problem expressing.. I guess all this is a topic of a separate post, which, if I can, will revisit some day.
So coming back to friends.. Once you have kids, their circle becomes your circle. So in last year I entered in to a circle which was essentially composed of mommy's of my daughter's friends. We were similar kinds, similar backgrounds, similar presents; so offcourse I felt connected. But honestly, I never could feel a very deep rooted connect. Probably because I am never so much available, even to connect superficially.
However, to feel a deeper connection you may not always need hours of conversations..
Recently one of the mommies from the gang, let's say X, shared a blog post she wrote on friendship day. The post reminded me off few of those seasoned bloggers, whom I used to follow in good old days, and I was always amused by the fact how well they penned down their emotions, in such real way, without masking it, being very straight (exactly opposite of what I do, going all over the place). These are the people whose posts were most awaited on my blogroll (its like timeline for FB, where you watch other blogger friends are posting).
As I mentioned about good old days, the practice used to be, if you like a post from a blog, you go back and read as many as you can from the archives. So I kept her blog open in my chrome tabs, with the intent to read it some day.
And this morning when I woke up at 4 and was unable to fall asleep, I ended up reading X's blog (which had two more posts).
I realised how we all have a two way shell built. We never try to peep in to what a person's heart may be made up of inside; and other way round, most of us never want to let the guard off, and allow others to look inside our heart. When we open up, there is so much in common. So much to relate. So much to connect. Sometimes we find set of emotions which exactly mirrored our past or probably the present self too.
Till we look inside we never would know how strong they are that we develop a feeling of affection and respect for them. Till we look inside how would we know that they have as weak and vulnerable a heart as you do.
That being said, I wish opening up was lot more easier.
I have realised, it needs a courage, which I still do not have, to express myself, to express the state of mind, my vulnerabilities, my real problems, my dreams..
And similarly, I wish it was easier to look in to someone's heart, their true self. It would have been lot easier to make friends..
PS: If you would have noticed, the background which I built was longer than the actual(original) feelings I intended to express :P That's the true me :D
And similarly, I wish it was easier to look in to someone's heart, their true self. It would have been lot easier to make friends..
PS: If you would have noticed, the background which I built was longer than the actual(original) feelings I intended to express :P That's the true me :D
