the fuss around

Almost a week now. I wake up with the occupied mind, who is working on how I can optimize the time wasted on this futile quest; whom do I need to meet today, where to meet him, what to tell; how can I keep peace at mind while working otherwise. Weekend was so relaxing. I felt so fresh and cheerful. It was like a free bird, my mind I mean, wasn’t tide with the thoughts of got to go there (or here). There was no burden or in fact no fear. Fear that something could have been done but I did not do it. Fear of people pouncing on me. I just want to get away. I don’t want to sound like I am giving up. But at the same time it all seems so senseless. At times it appears I am being skeptic, making an issue out of nothing and creating an unnecessary drama out of it. But what if, the thing I am thinking of really comes true. Will there be anyone to take responsibility. It will be like that’s your shit, no one else is supposed to take care of it and since it can not be cleaned, you got to stay with it now; after all it is yours. 

I really don’t want to grumble or whine over this. But I hate it when I automatically lose my spirits early in the morning. I get too dull a feeling to concentrate on the actual work. Atmosphere automatically turns tense and I cannot stop getting around in those circles. Sounds so strength-less, that I gave up so easily. So small is the level of my patience, as every one says. 

PS: As always, I wrote and it helped. Feeling better.

P-PS: To my surprise, cribbing doesn't mean complaining. I have been assuming that since long.