Though days, though were equally messed, were better and lighter. When I had both energy and courage to scribble. When I felt like a free bird while expressing myself. It has all changed.
Change, which is the only constant, changes everything around. Everything has to change with time, and it does. Life, family, friends, career, interests, hobbies, preferences, attitudes, views ..none of them is degenerate. And then our lives are connected to all these variables through complex functions. None of them are independent. Whatsoever transformation you try, these variables will manage to affect you in some way or the other. As they say, everything is for good. Because no one likes a covariance matrix which is singular.
But sometimes I feel, I don't know what is good or bad. I just want(ed ) few situations, few people and few relations to remain as they were, as they have always been to me, kind. I can't let them go so easily. I just want to give up on everything now.
There is so much buried in but it is so hard to dig. I wish it was easier. I think this is the most serious loss you suffer when you don't write regularly. You loose the ability to write.
Though I have babbled few bits randomly, but I am still carrying lots of load on my feathers. And I guess I won't be able to unload it for a while.
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